Saturday, February 27, 2010

Just fuck off you filthy cum rags.

I've been awake for too long but no matter, there is never any solace in sleep. We live in an age of soul-eating houses, fast Internet and e-cigarettes?! Who the fuck has time to sleep with all of this shit going on. Anti-biotic over prescription and paranoia has got me sick.

Lack of vitamins and no sunlight makes Polly a blow up doll. C'mon Polly, TAKE YOUR CUNTING VITAMINS. *foreign object into designated hole* Don't you feel a little better now?

Time is marked by the amount of buts in the ashtray piling up. I just light these babies up and discard them 5 minuets later. Fuck me if I was a cigarette I'd just love to be consumed with eager lips and mashed into an ashtray filled with my fallen comrades.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm bored. I feel like I'm drifting through a sea of nothing. I need something to do, to focus my energy on. All I do is sit around my house, spend endless hours on the internet, watch anime, smoke, bitch about how sick I am and try not to drink the whiskey sitting on my shelf.

My sleeping pattern being reversed now and not having a mobile phone have made it hard to even begin to build a normal life again. Or maybe I just lack the want or will to see anyone. Recent events have put a bad spin on the new year, for many of my close friends. I look around and all I see is fuck up after fuck up after break up after raging drug habit.

But what is closeness in this cold and desolate world?

I don't work. I don't study. Currently, I don't do anything. I take your money, you, the tax payer. I spend it on nicotine and other consumable shit.

A plan is born and now comes the day I write a new resume.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I love you, peace and quiet.

It's interesting to see just how things play out.
I have a few friends over tonight. A few are past out. A few are still going.
A dragon fly was dying in my room. I don't know how common it is for them to come out at night, it was quite tiny. Quite pretty.
I went into town today for the first time in a long while. It was uneventful but I managed to pick up a bottle of whiskey, two packets of cigarettes and some wine. I'm trashed. But not trashed enough to forget why I'm drinking again. So really not that trashed at all. Well I feel good. I feel mighty fine, bullet proof you could say. But if you dropped me I'm sure I would shatter into a million pieces. I'm sure I wont feel fine tomorrow, or rather, today.
I went to the amphitheater last night. It's about a four minuet walk from my house. It was grand . I sat there for about an hour and just took in the wonder of a thousand memories past. It was quite late at night, around 10 or 11, but it was deserted and no stranger crossed my path. Oh damn it was just so good. ^_^
Fuck I'm wasted.
Much love to everyone out there.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Shitty wallpaper

I don't have any fascinating, positive stories to tell any of you. I mean when have I ever? I could tell you that tonight the delivery guy gave me free brownies, that I overcame my house binding anxiety, that I quit drugs yet again, that whiskey tastes nice at room temperature, that I found someone to co-sign the lease or that music is wonderful etc, etc, etc. But that isn't interesting and it's insignificant and if you're not ready for some more cop out whining you should press unsubscribe now.

I want to talk about loss and hatred and how much having no decent cigarettes is pissing me off.

For one, with loss, you think you've finally got a grasp on it, you think you've gotten an inch of acceptance. And then BAM, the dirt isn't gone, no, bam and you're back to square one and nothing makes sense and you can't even fathom, let alone accept what the shit has happened. The stuff we take for granted is amazing. It's a super cliche but it's so true, probably why it is so cliche, you seriously don't know what you have until it's gone.

Secondly, hate is ridiculous. The kind of hate where you just want to leap across the table and stab them 23 times in the throat but you don't, you smile and chit chat just because you want to make that moment of revenge all the more crippling and unexpected.

Third, I've been smoking my Dad's winfield blue tobacco for the past hour, it tastes horrific, but it's better than going without. I could buy my own, if I was 18 or at least looked it. If I want to kill my body with nice tasting tobacco I damn well should be allowed. Fuck you Kevin Rudd and all the rest of you pieces of shit up there in parliament, you fucks didn't even make this law, but seriously, fuck you.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Alice Practice

Scars, in you, son
You shrug it off
Except that you don't

Better, it surely
It don't fall out
I live low
I lisp, I die
Sugar shooting
Bled with dead beats
Only crawl
Your sad eyes
Quite christian

Drop it, it's dead
We drop it
and took the body home
Sad eyes

Scars, I'm chopping dagers
See you'll never walk
only stagger.
sad eyes
Quite christian

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sickly Dreams.

The sky was grey and green, suffocated by angry clouds. We looked out to sea and saw what seemed to be a sea container half emerged in the strange water. Sloshing fast through the water we reached it quickly, climbing inside we were mistaken, a wonderous structure had been built some fifty meters high. But just as soon as our attention had been grabbed by such a thing a projector had cast a film for us to watch on the wall. It happened to be Titanic. We watched in awe of the surprise. But something was off, the bodies started falling from the top of the structure into the water around us. Torrents of bodies.

Confused, we were suddenly rocketed to a platform at the top of the structure, above our heads was a small opening into god knows where. On this platform were all of our friends sharing drinks and cigarettes, so we stayed for a while until maddeningly intoxicated. Someone, I can't remember whom needed something of what I can't remember, so it was apparently up to me to go and get this thing, it was a matter of life and death. I was provided with the keys to a some mode of transport, I was told to climb through the hole above.

So I climb through, pulling myself up I am shocked by a futuristic landscape; a metalic tunnel of lights and car lanes. Then I see it. This car. Sleek and dark blue, the oddest shaped car I had even laid my eyes on. And gosh I was too drunk to drive. I stumbled over to the car and let myself in, it started with a high pitched hum. Entering the highway was intense, the power steering so sharp. The accelerator was so easy to push down. I lost control almost immediately, 1-200kmph in 12 seconds. Shit was flying everywhere. I was bouncing into other cars and the highway walls but no damage was being incurred to the car. I looked out of the window and realized I was in Cockburn. I needed to go there to get the thing. Whatever it was. So I turned off the highway and pulled into a car park, suddenly sober.

I got out of the car and was joined by another person, they had no face. Without we walked to the back of the car park into a complex of pensioner homes west units. We crept up to a particular unit and peeked through the window. It was grey inside and it appeared that the old woman was in the shower. We went to the back door and tried it. It was unlocked. We crept inside her home. Walking quickly we got what we needed from her kitchen. As we were about 6 feet from the back door she came out after us. We ran from her house, leaving the weird woman and her grey house behind.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Winfield Blue Tastes Like Shit.

It knots and twists and folds and rises and twists again. Preventing me from leaving the house. Stopping me from answering the phone. Anxieties cold talons are gripping me and refusing to relinquish it's hold. So that's when you get a knife, and cut it off at the source, cut it's fucking legs off and tear the talons from my flesh. She was the one that always tore me away from it's nasty grip. She's gone and I'm trying to learn to hold a knife. Trying to learn to live now. Each day it gets harder and I'm sure I'm forgetting everything I've learnt. Where are you now? I need you more than ever. Shock melts away like sugar in the rain. Now I'm left with this empty hole.