I was sitting there, alone. The grass was slightly cooling against my skin. The booms of track 1 on my walkmen made for a high heart rate and anticipation as I rolled up my sleeve and pulled my tool of expression from my bag. Just like the night before, but not as satisfying, the sickness seeped away a little, but the relief was not as great. Just settling into my light trance, I saw them coming, the group. I looked at my walkmen and track 3 had started. Wow, has it been that long already?
I walked up to the group shaking, trying to hide my shame. I grabbed Her and pulled her aside. We spoke words of trust and I told her what was going on, so she let me go, to the other side of the park.
I took a seat, making sure not to cut my self on the broken glass that littered the spot which I chose to sit. Yet again I pulled up my sleeve and took out my pretty little tool of expression. The bite was just so exquisite, so beautiful, so relieving, so sickening, so sexual all in one. I sat there and watched the river run down my tool for what seemed to be a few moments. The tranquil booming of my headphones came back to me at the same moment I saw a movement in the corner of my eye. So much anger, shame and anxiety shot threw me as I jumped about a foot in the air, who dared to break such a deep trance?!
Thank fuck, it was only her. It was such a beautiful moment. She just sat and we conversed over my river. It marked the end to my little trance. I got up and was taken aback by the beauty and long awaited dimentions I now noticed. So shaky on my feet. This distraction from anxiety and frustration was great.
So beautiful, ecstatic and destroyed all in one.