The event caused black sludge to drizzle down my swollen wind pipe, seep slowly into the cancer of my lungs and start to choke my words of unimportance. Self disgust, self disgust, self disgust; at my actions. The feeling, it tends to fluctuate. I will feel 'urghhh' then I will be feeling fine. I am guessing the changes are caused by the situation I am in.
Just what you did?
What is wrong with me? I just want to scream. I feel so stuck, so God damned confused. Automatic thoughts of life and death just further the confusion. Can't stop thinking thoughts that would send a saint crazy. The pathways in my brain intertwine to create a heavy head of nonsense.
I carved your name into my chest today..
Don't even bother to drink the sickness. It'll just keep bleeding out. Today I realized I can't keep sweeping everything under the carpet with alcohol, because and I am sure everyone could agree, it just leads to more things needing to be swept under.
The need for nicotine increases as all comfort betrays. Strictly because every inhalation of the smoke reminds me of the name carved within my chest, never does the cigarette fail to poison my mind not to mention my grateful lungs.