It's an autumn evening and I find myself filled with empty dreams.
Drifting through a sea nothing so are we even drifting at all? Drifting or standing still, still in a still time.
Head down ready to work at your brand new school desk,
Or, face down ready to fuck on your brand new bed.
We are in a state of repetition, people.
Every moment that has previously been experienced only exists within your mind.
I'm not real unless you're in my bed, isn't that right Mr.24?
Oh and yes, I did sabotage it.
"I love you
Fuck off and die.
Fuck off and die.
Fuck off and die.
I wish I never stumbled across your path at 4am that fucking disgusting night but there would be a part of me missing if I never did.
Okay, so it all starts with this flower right, back when I hated kids like you, the ones that hung around the city, with tight red jeans and multi-coloured hair. So I'm standing alone, speaking down the line of a pay phone in the mall and I noticed you out the corner of my eye. I had never seen you before.. You gave me a flower. You smilled at me and gave me a pretty little white flower. When was this, January, Febuary? I don't know. Some where around this time.
So about a month ago, I was all set for a big night out. Money, phone, cigarettes ect. We went to the liquor store and purchased a fuck ton of booze. On our way to a friends apartment in Northbridge we were aproached by Lebs, trying to role us of corse. We tell them to chill the fuck out and keep walking. After some time we are finally there.
Everyone is all fucked up and I start drinking like a fish. This is where my memory starts to become massivly impared. I step out into the stair well and there they are smoking pot. So I did the stupidest thing I could have done, have a few fucking cones. After this I remember falling down some stairs and breaking my finger. The pain didn't last long. I then remember walking past some cops trying not to stumble too much, they didn't give me a second glance.
I breifly remember jumping some fence behind a night club and falling on the ground, I was approached by four people, asking if I was okay. Oh and I was better than okay, I was fucking brilliant.
I am in a car park drinking beer with some ravers, I remember seeing all of their flashy clothes.
I realise I have lost my cigarettes.
I am out side of a 24 hour Mcdonalds at god knows what time. This guy. I have seen him before tells me I should go with him. I say no as I fall on the floor. He leaves me alone. Then, someone scares the shit out of me and I decide to go down the mall. The guy from before runs up and grabs me, he knows my name. I do not know his name. Filthy scum. He grabs my arm and starts pulling me down the street.
" Where are we going?"
" Don't worry."
" I don't want to go."
" Yes you do."
But that was all I could do, I was too out of it to stop myself being dragged. We walked for what seemed like an eternity and I remember pissing agaisnt a wall on the side of some road.
Next thing I see is a big fence with barberd wire, he pulls at a gap in the fence and informs me that I need to shut the fuck up and climb in, I obey. I don't know why I obeyed..
We walk along some gravel and I fall over, hard. He rips me up off the ground and tells me to be verry quiet. He pulls away a grill from a wall and tells me to climb through, I didn't want to but I did it anyway. It wasn't untill I was inside that I realised where I was. I was in a fucking squat.
I start to cry and he holds his hand over my mouth.
" Shut the fuck up."
I am flung onto a filthy mattress covered in grime. It smells terrible in here.
This is where my memory gets extra hazey.
He put himself inside me..
I felt so sick. I stoped crying. Stoped breathing.
I am crawling through the tunnel and flying through the fence as fast as I can. I cut my arms on the fence.
I have reached an empty massive train station. I swear it went for miles. I dream about this place, so quiet and dark and empty.
I am the only person here. Of corse there are no trains, it's three am. I decide to walk down the train tracks. Finaly after what felt like hours I can see the city. I remember scaling the barbed wire fence and cutting myself on that too.
For some reason I walked right past the city and ended up at McIver train station. So I walked back in the direction of the city. I walked passed these crazed drunk aboriginal women and I pretended to be black and it worked. ( Hey, I was pretty fucked.)
On my way back to the center of the city I started sobbing but no tears would come out. I craved a cigarette so badly.
I stand outside 24hour maccas and start trying to scab smokes. I look at my clothes, they are torn to shreds.
I see two young guys walking down the street, so I decided to ask them when they walked past.
He said no and kept walking. Then he turned around and we recognised each other. He was the boy who gave me a flower so long ago. He gave me a smoke and we got chatting.
I breifly remember the taxi. I got in the taxi because I no longer cared what happened to my body, but thankfuly nothing more did.
The house was nice.
He saved me. Oh how he fucking saved me.
Mr.24 how you confuse me.
I can't even sleep in my bed anymore. You were there only nights ago.
I havn't had a night so intense since, nor have I been out at night. I havn't gone into many of the details but it was nessasary to write this anyway.